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Seven Extra Terrestrial Characters to Avoid on Indian Roads

March 26, 2010

‘Is this guy getting a cut from RTO or what?’ might be the thought that would come into your mind after seeing the title. So let me tell you why I want to share this wisdom (;-)) with you guys.

Driving on Indian City roads would be much more gut wrenching and challenging than driving in a War zone under constant fire of bullets and mortar, and I am saying this with a driving experience of 14 years. And things used be so much easier when the vehicle I was driving was a bike; but  believe me guys it has been 3 months I have been driving a Car, and it’s a much tiring and excruciating experience to drive 5 Kms from Office to Home than working 9-10 hours in office. Bike is much more maneuverable to tackle the cracks, crevices, gaps and stupid drivers than a car. And when you know you will be paying the 5K installment for the car for the next 5 years, even thinking of a scratch on the car makes you shiver. I dread my bike days when I was emulating the Matrix bike stunts being a pain in the ass for the car drivers on the roads, but now when I see a smartass biker cutting me on a sharp turn, I fall short of expletives for the guy. Now I can assume how many bad ass expletives  I would have shown the back of me and my bike to.

Ok coming back to the topic, things to avoid on Indian city roads(no particular order, all are equally dangerous). Here we go:

  • THE HURRY-CANES:  These guys have their time running 5 times faster than we lesser mortals. They just want to get to their destination as fast as possible and the causalities caused on way to the destination are considered sacrifice to fulfill the great deeds they are bound to accomplish.
  • THE FEMME FATALE: To avoid being called ‘racist’, No I am not saying women are bad drivers,not at all. Just that they have so many things to take care of like, to protect the hair getting spoiled from dust and wind, to see that the makeup doesn’t go bad, whether the face and hands are Talibanized or not (not a single mm of skin exposed to atmosphere) etc etc so when they are burdened with so much , how can you expect their full concentration to driving, we would be really impractical. And believe me if you get in an accident with them, just run without looking back, because the public forgets reason when it concerns an eve.
  • THE BIGJUNK BADASSES: This category will cover the Buses and Trucks. They know are too big and metallic to be damaged by the lowly creatures with their fibre cars and all, so when you are so mighty, of course the road is your property. They will drive on the rightmost lane with authority and that too on lowest speeds possible. And indicator concept is too pithy for them to follow, even when the bus stops in the middle of the road to service more passengers. They project their motto as  ‘If you are troubled, you handle it, I am too big to care’.
  • THE MACHO MEN: These are the guys driving the Scorpios,Safari and other SUVS.They are macho mans and they have to protect that image by being intimidating, threatening and arrogant. They normally have these metal spoilers attached on front to enhance their imposition, as if challenging ‘You can’t see me baby, I will crush you’.
  • THE STUNT JUNKIES: Baap of all categories : Autos and Cabs. I am pretty sure their  gene pool must be containing some DNA of stuntmen. They are the fearless riders, the riders of the storm. Their concentration is like Arjun from Mahabharta, they can only see the Shortest Distance between the origin and destination, whatever comes in between is inconsequential, the condition of vehicle ( without light,brakes or anything doesn’t matter. Only thing they need is passengers and high volume sound system and they attain nirvana, they rise above everything.
  • THE DAREDEVILS: The bikers, the breed that should be actually secret agents (BOND 007) because they master the art of they make their way where it’s not possible and the female breed as a pillion multiplies their daredevilry . They take the form of street racers and would always savour that extra adrenaline rush.
  • THE TINYTOTS: This will contain the children and animals. They are the lost variety, they don’t know the reason of their existence or a sense of present. They would act on their instincts and it will never matter whether they are secure in their homes or in the middle of the road. They won’t cause you any harm, but you will never come out of the guilt of hitting any one of them.

So guys this is the list, so after avoiding all these characters, if you can still enjoy your driving, please do; Else hit the highway.


3 Comments leave one →
  1. binzy permalink
    May 10, 2010 4:00 am

    very well thought of. I like all the categories of drivers. The best was ‘Femme Fatale’ with their face and hands talbanized. Awesome post !!

  2. k1th permalink
    March 27, 2010 5:24 pm

    true… after 3+ years in Hyd, can’t deny these facts 😀 😀
    nd , luved this line – “if you get in an accident with them, just run without looking back”… lol 😀 😀
    nd +100 for “THE STUNT JUNKIES” 😀 😀

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